I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.