You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom