when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual