woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
