Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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