My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
