brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
