guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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