I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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