I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
