well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
