i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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