I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
