the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
