3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
