i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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