I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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