i just wanna soil my oats bro
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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