I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
