why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
