hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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