just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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