Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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