Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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