stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
