I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think a kid would responsible me up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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