We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
