The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
