I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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