It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
