oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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