First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
