I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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