if only i could text you this smell
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
