3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there was a trapeze. enough said
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
