We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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