distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
