I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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