I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
