I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
