Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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