Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
