do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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