I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
