he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
