my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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