Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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