we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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