guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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