VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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