my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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