We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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