love makes seman taste better
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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