I bet he comes in French.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
