My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
