im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
True strength comes from lack of pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
