I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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