So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
