Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
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So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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