Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
