it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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