Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
