my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize