You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
