It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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