Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
