You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
