Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
