I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
