Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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