Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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