i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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