everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
