piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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