Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
