I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Two words: blizzard sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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