Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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