i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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