Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
