After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
