You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
