Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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