I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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